Comment Wall

 Syd's Stories 

Here is the link to my portfolio for all of my stories! 


Photo from European Wilderness Society

Comments

  1. Hi Sydnee!
    Right out of the gate I like how you distanced yourself from the original story. You went into further detail with the character referencing her hair color, her beauty, and other features to make her a more vibrant and real character. The original story had other sisters were as your story has a brother, this in my mind is a good way to modernize the story for your readers. It parallels with the running theme today that you might have one or two kids, but big families like that of the original story are far and few between. I liked how you changed the original plot just enough to make it unique to you. Expanding the scenery about the castle was a nice touch, and you gave vivid details about the castle so your readers could easily visualize it.

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  2. Hey Syd!
    Great story! I like how you introduce the main character. You give great context to the character of Savvy by talking about her home, her family, her work, and her attributes. I felt like I had a clear picture of the character and her environment in my mind! I am curious about the history of the castle. How is it run-down on the outside, but beautiful and well-kept on the inside? Was there a known war in the area? Is there anyone still living there? Did you consider expanding the castle and giving it more than a location? One suggestion I have would be to expand on the villian. It's totally fine if the beast doesn't have much of a backstory, but I suggest giving him more attributes besides mangled-up and strong. However, giving the beast a little bit of background may contribute to how you would like the audience to react with the beasts entrance. Should we be scarred? Can it be reasoned with, or is it purely determined? All around I enjoyed the story, Syd!

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  3. Hey Syd,
    I really like your take on the tale and the liberties you took with the story! I had also written a version of Beauty and the Basilisk for my week 2 story, but mine stayed much closer to the original. After reading yours, I wish I had taken more liberty with my own; I didn't see the possibilities which could stem from the same base story! I was wondering where you came up with the changes to the story which you implemented? Many of them do not seem intuitive and I would love to see your thought process on those changes, examples being changing Savvy's siblings from two sisters to one brother or moving the roses inside the castle. Also, I would love to see more expansion on the Beast of your story. It seems a little one-dimensional and, as the reader, I do not understand his motivations or intentions. Overall, I did love your take on the tale and can't wait to see what changes you will make!

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  4. Hi Sydnee! I like to try to guess what story is being told, and when you wrote that the mother would bring Savvy and Joshua back gifts of their choice is when it clicked for me! I really like that you gave Savvy a brother instead of a sister. Also, I liked that you had the roses inside the castle instead of outside. It adds mystery to the story, I think. It implies that someone put them there, instead of them just growing along the side of the road. “Golden hair as long as her back” is kind of an awkward phrasing. Golden hair to her waist might work a little better. Overall, I really loved your story! Did you choose the name Savvy for any particular reason? I also really like that you tied the roses more into the story by having them be tied to Savvy’s life. As long as the roses are alive, Savvy is alive.

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  5. Hi Sydnee!
    As I was reading this, I thought to myself how much your story reminded me of Beauty and the Basilisk. I liked how you gave details of Savvy's beauty. You explained how her blue eyes were clear like the river. That added a nice touch. You also changed her sibling to a brother and the gift he wanted was a knife for their food. Your descriptions of them made me see them as a close family. I felt sorry for Savvy's mother when she became lost and had to walk through a storm. Your description of the castle being run-down but glittered inside made me want to read more about it. I would like to know more about the beast and Savvy after she left with him. Is she happy? Is he a cursed prince like from Beauty and the Beast? I am excited to read more of your stories.

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  6. Hi Syd,
    This was a fun story so far (at least I hope there will be more). I actually used the same story for my Week 2, though I focused more on the basilisk. My version also had the daughter attempt to fight the beast, so it was fun to see Savvy and Joshua do that here. Speaking of, I love the name Savvy, is it meant to hint toward her resourcefulness? I also like how the roses are representative of Savvy's well-being, that feels really clever (and subversive if one is familiar with the Disney version). Your author’s note says that the beast looks more like a werewolf, but do you think you could describe that in your story? I think the suspense of the kidnapping could really be intensified if you go into detail on how monstrous the beast is. Captivate us with tales of the beast’s gaping maw, and of his horrible breath that reeks of death, no doubt from his previous victims. And his claws! So sharp they can tear through a tree in a single, powerful strike.

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  7. Hi Syd! Your portfolio is so aesthetically pleasing to look at--you've chosen some great pictures to go on your homepage and your first story! I would probably recommend putting a banner picture at the top of your second story as well, because it seemed strange to me that there wasn't one there. I loved the changes that you made to the original story for Story 1. I think adding some details like a brother for Savvy and more of a werewolf Beast were nice touches. One thing that I was confused about was the part that happens after the line break. It seems to be a flashback to when the man turns into the Beast, however, it happened rather abruptly, and we never got to return to Savvy's story. Maybe rearranging the story somehow to put that flashback in a less awkward place? Story 2 was so good that I don't think I have any concrete suggestions! Overall, these stories were so much fun to read!

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  8. Syd,

    I really enjoyed both of you stories! I love to see how stories connect with one another, but I also think it's very cool to get to read stories from you that are completely different from one another. I actually have read the original story about the best for one of my stories in the earlier weeks. I love the twists that you gave it and all of the added details that you had incorporated. I wish I knew how it had ended though. What happened to Savvy? Did the Beast turn back into a man? I also loved your second story about how the mouse outsmarted the snake. It was a very clever to use the idea of a race to fool the snake. Your pictures are very fitting to the stories. However, I would recommend captioning them, so the readers know exactly what they are. Your pictures of the roses could have some kind of caption maybe stating that these were the roses from inside the castle. Overall, great job!

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